What I’m Learning From Being Non-Monogamous Pt.2: Heartbreak By One, Love from the Others


The hesitation of letting your other partners know about your separation with one partner is real. It felt to me almost that I was being selfish and insensitive to reveal my hurt to them, and while neither of these are true, I considered whether my partners would feel that I was. I moved past this thought, remembering that communication is key in our relationship, and found that they didn’t think this at all about me. They were there to comfort me as a friend would, because at the base of our relationship is friendship. This was shown to me again because I was able to open up.

It is very real to feel the hurt of losing a relationship, even when you are involved in many. My care and love for the person I am no longer with mattered just as much as my care and love for the partners I am still with. Being dissed still fucking hurts, being a sidepiece still sucks, seeing that the person you want doesn’t want you in the same way takes time to get over, and the love of others is not a supplement for that because our relationships are different. The word I picked up for this is that my relationship with each of them is compartmentalized. And I can’t pour the love of one relationship into the empty cup of another and still expect a full partnership. But I can cuddle, mope, eat chocolate and watch movies with my babes as I recover. That’s a bonus.


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