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Queen of Swords: Sitting With Self/I Am The Love I’ve Been Looking For

A story of a weight being carried in my search for beauty. A story of being a mother in the raising of a love frequency, while existing as a human girl in the life-long process of raising herself.

I always felt the need to raise a child. To hold in my arms my own love. A physical, emotional sense greater than the peak of spiritual arousal. I wanted to feel what is was like to give without boundaries. To see in front of me joy without guilt or fear. This image and craving has lived in the hearts of several of me throughout my relationships with men, and in the perfectionism of my work. With men- go deep. Penetrate the layers of him quickly and without full permission. Tie him up in your needs; Let him live the untraceable fantasy. With my work- break your back with your own authority. No mistakes. Shut up. Speak up. Get it right, get it tight. Bust through doors. Wear the heels and your shit-stomping boots. I had allowed disrespect to leak through my fine lines unknowingly for the need. But, I have also surpassed my expectations for myself, becoming the only woman I would ever allow to fuck my life in such a way that I would give up all past identities and start fresh with her in the unknown. In me I have found my everything. My water and my desert sun. And as I face her now, sensing her beauty so deeply that it extends beyond the universal force, I see in her the child. My son, Orion Jabrielle, the man and the spirit. The prodigal child of my life’s vision and unknowingly tended mission. My own birth is freeing me daily. I threw away my last pregnancy test. Where are we going now, love?

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Peace and Love,

Katherine Elizabeth Jackson (The Vessel)

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