King of Wands: Finding My Chill Slowly But Surely

Your stubborn, passionate, angsty lil royal highness.

Not good or bad, but a grey space. For several months now I’ve been busy business minded, and as I’ve gotten older and taken on more responsibility for my life, the feeling of needing to do everything myself has become more and more constant. I’ve transitioned from a taker to a giver, hard core, and I have assigned myself as the controller of not only my entire life but all lives associated with mine.

But how does faith fit into that mindset?

Well, that’s the balance I’ve been trying to find. Becoming responsible for your speech, thoughts and actions, yet surrendering to the ways of the world. On a mental level, I do actually know that I cannot alter other people’s lives, I know that I’m not Cap’n Save-A-Hoe. But damn! Sometimes (many times.) I just want to jump in people’s bodies real quick and fix all their shit. Clean their house, cut out manipulative and unhealthy people from their lives, buy new clothes and a new wig… (petty.) BUT THAT’S NOT MY FUCKING PLACE. I am also a human with an occasionally messy house who sometimes keeps fake friends around. Healing, intimacy, listening, sometimes speaking, being supportive, forgiving and forgetting… these are healthy ways I am able to take control of the worlds I exist in.

And, well, what else can I say but that it takes time to break and build a habit? But if I can accept myself for what I am, I can accept the world for what it is. And my stubborn ass is willing to evolve.

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Today’s mission: chill, man.

Peace and Love,

Katherine Elizabeth Jackson

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